Heres to being a jerk and breaking someones heart! Ugh  how bad can one feel? well were still finding this out. Recently broke up with my bf, well now ex bf, and he wont except it, he keeps being all like we need to talk, and so far  everything he's said has been the same thing or ammounts to the same thing he's trying to get me to go back with him, and makes me feel like shit.  Guess what he does, he calls me up and is like we need to talk, and I'm all like grr we've already talked and it just goes in circles, he's all like u can't just end it and not talk about it. Well I have talked about it, just not to him,  want to know why, he doesnt freakin listen what I say goes right out his head, WHAT PART OF I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!! and now some of my friends think I'm a jerk, and r all like he's really depressed and all that, AS if I don't feel bad enough.  UGGGH  I can't do anything to change the situation, the only way I could make him feel better would be to   go back out with him, AND that would not be good for either of us!  I don't know what to do!  I feel the need and urge to punch stuff,  it's the  rage, and I'm frustrated, and feeling guilty, and feeling guiltier for being mad at him, and for not being sad or  anything but fine about our break up. I'M THE FREAKIN MEANEST PERSON EVER, AT least thats how I feel like.

      Is wisdom what we find in class rooms, in the books covered in dust and grime, where really were placing others ideas into our heads? Is wisdom watching an animal die knowing saving them would only cause them extreme pain and suffering. Is wisdom the feeling we get when we watch our friend suffer and know that we have to stand by , and  only they  help themselfs? Is that wisdom the knowing in some cases your helpless? Why do some say the old are full of wisdom , supressing our age? Does wisdom really come from age? Or maybe wisdom comes from within, from our expriences , how we learn, our understanding of the world.

        Maybe then some so young are so wise. Thoose who have exprienced more in their 17 years then some have exprienced in 50 or more. Maybe their too wise for their age. Maybe it's the eyes that really give away wissom, peoples eyes tell alot about them, you can change your expression, train it to betray no emotions, but ones eyes, now thoose our harder to train.

         You ever look at the  eyes of the homeless people as you walk past , you smile, you nodd and say you have no change to spare, you may get a slightly guilty feeling inside, or maybe a feeling of disqust, but how many of us stop to really look at them.  Sometimes you see eyes so sad,  full of  hardship, world wary, they seen to much pain to be optimistic. Maybe you pass a face with blank eyes, the world has worn them  down taking all they are out of them, through drugs alchol whatever the reason. Perhaphs it's  thoose desperate eyes, that scream out I need something, or  thoose ones that plead for someone to understand, perhaphs just not judge. But  probally your one who then goes home, maybe complains about the lazyness of them, or maybe your the one who  shakes their head and says someone should help them, but you do nothing to change it, the problem still lives well u go about your life, not wanting to think about it, to acknowledge it, you know the saying out of sight out of mind.

       Maybe our world is doomed to crumble, why? BECAUSE people in general can;t stop it, they don't understand, it makes them nervous, scared, perpaphs feel guilty. But if we, you, me, them, don't make a stand who will?  Sure one person can;t change the wolrd, but   the more people who try the more  likely we will suceed!

TOP EVILS ACCORDING TO CIINDY:

#1. Elmo
#2. School
#3. the Gov't (they stole r cheese)
#4. Conformity
#5. Ricky Martin
#6. Barney
#7. Mr. Walker (Dwamn him callin me a boy)
#9. Pigs in Blue (if you don't know what I mean you probally disagree)
#10.teenyboppers
#11. bullies
#12.big hills
#13.Homework
#14.know-it-alls

Yah shush, I'm still alive 'an kicking, ha. Well how goes life? same old sazme old, mindless squandering of a peasant like folk, go to school, eat cheese, tap dance, go to sleep, then start all over again.You could say that I was a bit odd, but I choose to believe that all in all that aint such a bad thing , ya know? or maybe you don't know? maybe your like one off thoose who seek us all to be clone likes and all the same, wearing the preppin cloths and being all like yay nsync! well, dude, never gonna happen, I like to be my own man.... or woman you know what I mean. Some people try and change the world, others try and help the needy. I think thoose who try and help get less disapointment. If u try and change the world u can't see the good, but if u help one person fix their life, that visable results, plus thats one less person who's screwed for life. You know what I mena? make the world better baby step at a time. Well any who late days.

Dude, everyone heard the story about chicken little and the sky falling, that my friend was a messed up story. If camels could fly, whould desert travel be more interesting do you ponder? Hey guess what? MY cat kicks ass, shes cute. My cat came out of the closet today..... hehehe litterally she was sleeping in my closest, so cute.

If I could be anyone for one day who would I be? Like really I have no idea, I guess I'd wanna be myself, cuz how could I be ne one else, when I'm me? ok I probally am making no sense, but thats ok, I still love the cheese. McDonalds kicks ass their half ass burgars and fries which r cheep, they rule!

The Easter bunnys creepy man, like #1 what does some over sized bunny breaking into peoples houses hiding candy everywhere, after rapeing some chicken have to do with easter? like really man, how can little people not be afraid of the easterbunny, I sure was!
Man thats some crazy junk.

Departions of the great begins now, but fear not my friends, it be not for ever, nor be for long. Later Days.

I think it be cool if rubber duckys invaded earth, that be cool, I'd so accept a rubber ducky as my leader.

Yeah, I think I may not always apear like a sensible, normal functioning human being, but thats really because I couldn't really care less. I think people are to up-tight.

OOOO you want to know what really gets on my nerves about my school? Well u get to hear any ways. In my school, you can wear a cross, in my school, you can dress like a skank, but no no no, In MY FLIPPIN SCHOOL YOU CAN't WEAR A FLIPPIN BAD RELIGION HOODIE BECAUSE THERES A CROSSED OUT CROSS, it gets better hear their freakin reason, it may offend some people. IT may offend thoose deeply religious. what a bunch of BS, yah well maybe some peoples Crosses offend people who don't believe in God.

ANother thing I must draw u too, we can't wear spiked collars because it could be used as a weapon!?!?! what a load, a text book could be used as a weapon, so could a ring, what about a steel toed boot? huh huh couldn't all thoose be considered weapons, I mean a steal toed boot that hurt like a bitch if u got nailed in the knee by someone wearing thoose. and like really what are you gonna do run up to someone and move your neck just so so u can ram them with your spikes? LIke come freakin on!

So on a brighter note I'm done ranting.
Later days,
Ciindy